It's been a while since I did one of these posts. But, have no fear, the police are still on the payroll and our crime scene could still rival Detroit's.

This week, Lander Emergency Services received 29 calls. Here are the highlights:

June 3

At 8:46 a.m., police received a call about cows in the road on Baldwin Creek in Lander.

June 4

At 9:04 a.m., police received a call from a Riverton man who reported that a fence that he was putting up was pulled down the previous day. [eco-terrorists, no doubt]

At 3:37 p.m., police received a call from a Lander woman who stated that some irrigation pipe was taken from her pasture. [more eco-terrorists?]

June 7

At 10:23 a.m., police received a call from a Riverton woman who stated that some people associated with a church were repeatedly coming to her home after she had requested on numerous occasions that they stop coming.

June 9

At 3:21 p.m., police received a call about a loose horse that was on the road in Riverton.

At 10:48 p.m., police received a call from a Riverton woman who reported that a male subject had passed out on her property and was now awake and talking to himself. [maybe he had fallen of his horse?]

Hungry Horses

Well, another Wednesday has passed and Lander's crime rate appears to be skyrocketing--although the severity of the crimes remains steady. This week, Lander Emergency Medical Services received what must be a record 29 calls. Here are the highlights:

April 28

At 8:04 a.m., police received a call about some horses in Lander that allegedly were not begin fed adequately. [ed. these horses seem to have warranted additional calls throughout the week]

At 11:26 a.m., police received a call from a Riverton woman who said her neighbor's dog had just killed one of her chickens.

April 30

At 1:25 p.m., police received a call about a man who appeared to be naked who was seen outside of a storage facility in Lander. [ed. at 1:25 in the afternoon!]

May 2

At 10:26 p.m., police received a call from a Riverton woman who said she was staying at a hotel in Riverton and had locked herself out.

May 5

At 9:11 p.m., police received a call from a Lander woman about her black bull that [was] loose and headed toward the highway.

Ah, Wednesday

Oh, how we love Wednesday’s in Lander. Hump day. Not another day in the week like it.

What is so special about Wednesday,” you ask?

Wednesdays aren’t just the mid-point of the week; Wednesdays are a bastion of historical significance. Nearly everything important in the world has happened, or will happen on a Wednesday. The Treaty of Paris, which ended the American Revolution, was signed on September 3, 1783 . . . a Wednesday. The 19th Amendment granting women’s suffrage . . . passed on a Wednesday. Edison and the light bulb. Wednesday. The Wright Brothers first took flight when? On a Wednesday! And if you consult the Thai solar calendar, you can learn that Wednesdays, green and the planet Mercury go hand in hand (in hand).

But this isn’t all that makes Wednesdays special. You see, the Lander Journal, our local paper, comes out on Sundays and Wednesdays. And while it might come as a surprise, the Wednesday edition is, by far, the better paper to read.

“Why is this,” you ask?

“The Wednesday edition contains the weekly Police Beat,” I say.

Without further ado, I present some highlights from this week’s Lander Journal Police Beat:

There were twelve calls fielded by the Lander Emergency Medical Services this past week. Here's my top three:

April 24

At 6:23 a.m., police received a call from a Dubois woman who reported that 11 horses were in her driveway.

April 25

At 1:21 a.m., police received a call about a fight in a saloon in Shoshoni. (ed: I thought fights happened at bars)

April 26

At 12:03 p.m., police received a call about a young female who appeared to be no older than 7 years old walking along the highway. The officer who responded reported that the girl was walking behind her cousin who was jogging ahead.

And a bonus from a couple weeks back:

April 3

At 1:17 a.m., police received a call from a Hudson woman who reported a foul smell coming from her bedroom. The woman thought it might be her husband.