Ah, Wednesday

Oh, how we love Wednesday’s in Lander. Hump day. Not another day in the week like it.

What is so special about Wednesday,” you ask?

Wednesdays aren’t just the mid-point of the week; Wednesdays are a bastion of historical significance. Nearly everything important in the world has happened, or will happen on a Wednesday. The Treaty of Paris, which ended the American Revolution, was signed on September 3, 1783 . . . a Wednesday. The 19th Amendment granting women’s suffrage . . . passed on a Wednesday. Edison and the light bulb. Wednesday. The Wright Brothers first took flight when? On a Wednesday! And if you consult the Thai solar calendar, you can learn that Wednesdays, green and the planet Mercury go hand in hand (in hand).

But this isn’t all that makes Wednesdays special. You see, the Lander Journal, our local paper, comes out on Sundays and Wednesdays. And while it might come as a surprise, the Wednesday edition is, by far, the better paper to read.

“Why is this,” you ask?

“The Wednesday edition contains the weekly Police Beat,” I say.

Without further ado, I present some highlights from this week’s Lander Journal Police Beat:

There were twelve calls fielded by the Lander Emergency Medical Services this past week. Here's my top three:

April 24

At 6:23 a.m., police received a call from a Dubois woman who reported that 11 horses were in her driveway.

April 25

At 1:21 a.m., police received a call about a fight in a saloon in Shoshoni. (ed: I thought fights happened at bars)

April 26

At 12:03 p.m., police received a call about a young female who appeared to be no older than 7 years old walking along the highway. The officer who responded reported that the girl was walking behind her cousin who was jogging ahead.

And a bonus from a couple weeks back:

April 3

At 1:17 a.m., police received a call from a Hudson woman who reported a foul smell coming from her bedroom. The woman thought it might be her husband.

It's not all fun and games around here

So far, this blog has taken a fairly light hearted approach to things. However, after reading Pa's comment to the Bottom Feeders post, I got to thinking about an irate email I received a while back from one of my employer's finer members. Our Fine Member found it unconscionable that a conservation organization would be concerned about global warming and sought to set me--and my organization's bogus science--straight.

After Our Fine Member opened with:

"here's what I sent my buddies here in denver yesterday. So far, noone has has the fortitude to write me back:"

And accused me of being:

"a supporter of the eco-lemming/global alarmist movement that supports policy and advertisement (propaganda) efforts of a very scary movement regarding anthropogenic global warming."

I decided to pick up the phone and give Our Fine Member a call. As it turns out, Our Fine Member actually is Dilbert:
As for the bitter and unsuccessful scientists, they produced this number which tells us the earth actually is cooling.

When talking on the phone with Our Fine Member, he strongly encouraged me to research where my information was coming from because, as he points out, certain alarmist organizations may profit from the global warming frenzy and use their resources to promote further scare tactics. Well, that may or may not be, but upon researching our bitter and unsuccessful scientists, all I seem to come up with is a bunch of hubbub on how second-hand smoke is great.

The results are in . . .

. . . and I passed the bar exam! I still need to get sworn in to make it official, but I soon will be licensed by the state of Wyoming to practice law. I was more than a bit nervous after completing the exam so, as you can imagine, this is a big relief.

Bottom feeders

Well, it looks like my brother is doing well. Although, based on the species of fish he's holding, his judgment might be a little out of whack. Perhaps all the trout are in Wyoming these days?

In all seriousness, I've chased these guys a number of times with little success. the closest I've come to catching a carp--without the use of an electroshocker, that is--was on the lower Owyhee when I foul-hooked one's anal fin.

One thing's for sure, judging by the sun and short sleeves, Josh probably has one up on me. After all, I woke up to snow this morning...

The inauguration

Having just sat down to dinner with my lovely wife, I let her know about my most recent endeavor. "Lookin' for a Lunker was sure to be a big hit," I professed. "A great way to record our adventures and keep in touch with friends and family." As I continued, my enthusiasm was reaching a fevered pitch but I realized this was going to be a hard sell. "After all," I said, "all the neighbor kids are doing it." After clearing up a little misunderstanding involving large women and questionable morals, I got the green light and this baby's good to go.